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It's one of those moments.
Sitting by an open window, I'm listening to rain pouring down onto the world. And while my "quiet time" playlist fills the room, which somehow always perfectly brings peace, my pen somehow can't move across the paper of my journal. I'm overcome by too many thoughts to get them all down. In a strange way, it helps to just stop, and to just be.
These moments somehow tend to put my life into perspective. And right now, I'm continuing to enter a new place in my life. My path could go in so many directions right now. I am loving that feeling, and that is so different than in the past. I can't explain why, but I am. This week I finally was truly to get to the point of being able to surrender my own dreams in the hopes that they would be His dreams. It was such a relief to have that burden lifted off of my shoulders.
However, amidst the excitement, the new ideas, the new places I've been going spiritually, there are still so many things trying to hold me down. Feelings get hurt, dreams fall apart, things become confusing. Tonight especially.
But these moments somehow make it okay again.
This song just came on. It seems pretty appropriate.
"Like a child, I'll take You at Your word
As these mountains of doubt fade away
I'm longing to love and trust You more
So for me this is beautiful
A brand new thought in a brand new world
Can I stay here forever, here with You?"
I read this verse during a worship service the other day. It seems pretty appropriate for me tonight, too.
"Therefore, as God's chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity. Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, since as members of one body you were called to peace. And be thankful. Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly as you teach and admonish one another with all wisdom, and as you sing psalms, hymns and spiritual songs with gratitude in your hearts to God. And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him." -Colossians 3:13-17 (NIV)
Goodnight. :)
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So the holidays have come and gone. Words can't really express how much I love this time, and I can't really explain why. I just know that I love it, and I'm already looking forward to November.
I'm about to start my final semester of college ever. That freaks me out in so many ways. The future is here, and I still don't understand what it's supposed to look like. Where am I going? What am I doing? Who am I? Why am I where I am? What's next? There is an excitement building inside of me, shielded in fear of the unknown, in fear of change, and in fear of failure. I know there is only One who can peel off these layers and let my passions burn. I'm trying to let that happen.
I got a random card in the mail last month that had these words in it:
"Only in Jesus do we find abiding joy, renewed hope, and perfect peace."
I really needed to hear it that day...and the day after...and still today. It is so true.
Now I really need to go to bed.
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So I'm sitting in the library, writing a paper, and I came across this passage and wanted to share it. I like it.
"Jesus does not propose an elaborate method for prayer. The only requirement is simple: Pray confidently, because God does hear and can help. Pray forgiving others, and God will forgive your sings. Complicated methods of prayer and meditation are no substitute for daily prayer. Making time for God every day builds a foundation of faith, hope, and love that we may not be aware of. We need to step aside from the rush of our daily routine to find God's presence. Mark has shown us that Jesus withdrew from the crowds and even the disciples to pray. We need to do the same."
I guess that's more for me than anything else.
The end.
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Psalm 143
A psalm of David.
"1 O LORD, hear my prayer,
listen to my cry for mercy;
in your faithfulness and righteousness
come to my relief.
2 Do not bring your servant into judgment,
for no one living is righteous before you.
3 The enemy pursues me,
he crushes me to the ground;
he makes me dwell in darkness
like those long dead.
4 So my spirit grows faint within me;
my heart within me is dismayed.
5 I remember the days of long ago;
I meditate on all your works
and consider what your hands have done.
6 I spread out my hands to you;
my soul thirsts for you like a parched land.
Selah
7 Answer me quickly, O LORD;
my spirit fails.
Do not hide your face from me
or I will be like those who go down to the pit.
8 Let the morning bring me word of your unfailing love,
for I have put my trust in you.
Show me the way I should go,
for to you I lift up my soul.
9 Rescue me from my enemies, O LORD,
for I hide myself in you.
10 Teach me to do your will,
for you are my God;
may your good Spirit
lead me on level ground.
11 For your name's sake, O LORD, preserve my life;
in your righteousness, bring me out of trouble.
12 In your unfailing love, silence my enemies;
destroy all my foes,
for I am your servant."
Life is a whirlwind right now. My summer chapter never really wrapped up...I just all of a sudden found myself back in Indiana, continuing one of the busiest times in my life. This is a good season. It's a tough one at times, but it's rewarding. It's eventful. It's hard. It's busy. It's intimidating. But it's good.
I hold dearly to the times where I'm able to stop and figure out just what is actually going on. I'm always trying to sort myself out. I want to process the past. I want to make the most of right now. I want to figure out the future. I want to figure out my thoughts. I want to figure out God.
It's weird to think that this is my last year in this routine that I've known my whole life, even though it's evolved. And even though I'm long overdue to find my place in the ravaging sea known as the real world, it freaks me out.
My dreams haven't changed. I just need to remind myself of them sometimes.
In other news, it's a time of good, new music. Go check out new stuff by Chris Tomlin, Seabird, Family Force 5, and The Gabe Dixon Band. Shane & Shane has a Christmas album out next month, too. Goodness, Christmas is coming. I still wish it could be summer for a few more months.
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